Tuesday, September 6, 2011
What up.
So exams are over, hols are here, I wanna find a new job cuz I'm not keen on going back to a busy restaurant with little pay, but thinking that I've got CCA, chalet outings and all.. I don't know. All I know is I wanna earn extra cash to spend some on, and not idle my time away rotting at home.
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I should say life in a Polytechnic's much more manageable than in a JC's. Though it is definitely more tiring, cuz there's more projects always due about the same week and stuff, but yeah much more manageable considering I have a fair amount of interest in my course compared to the subjects I was taking in JC. So yup, I really feel fortunate that I left.
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I've always like to dance. I knew since young I had that interest since I bobbed wobbled turned around when there was music, but i guess that's what all normal kids do don't they. But in secondary school, I was pretty sure I'd like to improve myself on hip-hop especially. SRJC didn't offer hip-hop so I rather not try out contemporary-ballet at all. Yes I am not versatile that's why I never thought I was a good dancer. And then over here I got into NRA, but honestly everything feels different. I don't feel as confident as compared to how I was, I don't deliver well and I always feel inferior and there was pressure. Since when should your interest exude stress? I ask myself. Shouldn't it be a form of relieving stress? And so along the way I felt doubtful, I even thought of joining a sports CCA since I liked playing sports as well.
But, thankfully for the dance camp, I became pretty sure of myself again, and learnt that perhaps not all people are so judgmental. At least that's what I think now thats making me feel better. We make mistakes, some people learn fast, some people learn slow. That's how it is. It's like doing projects, you can't expect everyone to be at the particular level of speed in terms of efficiency.
I dreaded attending the camp at first honestly. Because I was a little lazy of making new friends and going through the same old motion of "Hi what's your name What's your course Where do you live" kinda conversations. I was afraid of the intimidation I would feel from all those strong dancers around me. And I'll say I'm a little ashamed of myself for thinking so.
Been sucha long time since I performed in front of a crowd. Though it wasn't smooth and perfect, thinking back, the experience was nice. Really nice. I've just got so much more to learn and improve on.
7:44 PM
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
NATIONALDAY.
Happy 46th Birthday Singapore!!
Just saw this tweet my friend retweeted: "This is home truly, where I know I must study".
Makes so much sense. Haha.
And that's exactly what I'm (trying) doing right now.
I've got 4 examinable modules this term and 2 of them I have totally not yet studied for before cuz they weren't tested last term, diediedie.
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My pimples popping out like funfair. Must be due to the lack of sleep during the month of July, (thankful that it's over so are the fucking projects) + my period.
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Sometimes I wonder if I know myself well enough. At a certain time I can say and act according to how my mood goes, but normally afterwards I'd be thinking, was it necessary? Should I have done/said that? And then I'd feel bad or shitty or whatsoever.
I think deep down I'm not that person who's as firm as I thought I am. Cuz I give in to my own doubts.
3:11 PM
Monday, June 6, 2011
Whazzupppp. Haven't been blogging for awhile, so right now I'm having common test week, but I've only got modules that are tested on, hehe :)
I'm in dance anyway! :) Really happy when I got to know. But however, I don't feel as confident because I'm in a totally different environment with people I don't know and they're much better. I feel inferior. Plus the fact that I haven't been dancing for 2 years. And I'm not versatile at all. I don't have any technique :/
Other than that, I'm loaded with assignments and projects. Group assignments especially. I h8 them because there are bound to be people who feed off your efforts and sit there and smile because everything's managed to be done in the end. They can go ride on top a cactus.
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How nice if it was mutual.
4:45 PM
Monday, May 9, 2011
I saw it.
Deep down I know its much more than how i put it across.
I think i really, really have to be less dependent on people with my own little emotional rollercoaster ride.
It is hard because someone whom you used to talk to everyday without giving a fuck to the words you say, has now become someone who talks to you... for just a fair bit added on with circumstances which both parties didn't anticipate. And there's the awkwardness of it all, adding on to the why-we-don't-talk-as-much.
So mind boggling for me because... I was the one who deemed the end.
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And the workload from school isn't helping AT ALL.
11:11 PM
Saturday, April 16, 2011
You're clever. But no matter what, I'm not stupid. I wonder when you would get to taste your own medicine.
4:38 PM
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Poly's starting in a week. Oh my god time passes sooo fast. So to sum it all up, I've just stopped working. It's been great for a first job. I get the experience + some happy memories + new friends + some kaching. If it's not for work, I think I'd be crying everyday. (Boredtotears) I went back to SRJC to get some happy news. I got an A for Project work. Kicked this pain in the ass subject in the ass. Though it doesn't have to matter to me anymore because it's really of no use, I still feel happy knowing my most of my friends had As. Plus given the amount of effort I had put in, I think I do deserve an A. :) I'm half excited + half skeptical for school. But at least, I'm still half excited. I remember I wasn't even excited last year when I had to go to JC. And I think negative energy was pretty much constantly there for me. I guess if not for certain experiences and people, i wouldn't be skeptical. I wouldn't. Tata.
9:58 PM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Not good enough.
11:00 PM
